My undecided pain

My forever is unavailable
My happiness out of reach
My heart and soul tormented
My words not meaning to preach

I apologize for my feelings
I'm sorry for my deceitful ways
I understand I'm worthless
But that's not for you to say

The blade slowly slips
Across my pale wrist
Just as each heart wrenching
Tear persists

But yet you still can't imagine
The pain that's held within
You still can't see
And still act like taking my life is a sin

But as long as I'm away from you
I couldn't give a damn
Whether god hates me or not
It's beyond all that I am