Failure...

There is something that no one knows
Something I can never tell
It eats at me more eachday
And yet I hide it very well.

Eachday when I awake
I think of ways to cope
The pills make me relaxed
And gives my future hope...

The memories are too much to take
The pain, the scars, the tears
I can't change what has happened
It goes back too many years.

I feel like I have failed
Failed myself, God, and him,
I always wanted to be strong
I never wanted to let him win.

But that first breakdown was so hard
And so I swallowed that first release
I started to cut and get high
That's when my pain would finally ease...

I feel like a hypocrite so badly
Because this is not at all myself
I feel like I don't recognize my reflection
And my problems are wrongly dealt.

I really want to be so different
But I guess I don't know how
This is the only way I can survive
I can only live "today" right now...

I don't want to dissapoint them,
Or to say the least let them down
So my secret will remain inside
And I'll keep hiding this pathetic frown.