A River of Mixed Emotions

Holding my breath I put the needle in my arm.
I still did it even though I knew I was wounding myself.
I was scarred mentally and physically,
But it felt wonderful to let all my pain evaporate.
I did not think of the penalty, I could not be bothered.
I had to feel happiness again, just once after all of lifes despair.

I felt happy, for a day or two.
Until the pain recaptured me and
Depression abducted my soul.
It was horrible!
I was fighting a war all on my own.
This was a war only I could fight.

No-one knew about this, no-one cared,
No-one even tried to help me.
They just carried on with their perfect lives
And left me alone, feeling worthless and unrefined.

I carried on with my addiction.
I saw it as my only way out.
I did not need my family, love or even help.

I was lucky I did not destroy my life,
It was later that I realised:
This is not the way I want to live.
That was when I made my vow:
'Tomorrow will be the beginning of a new life.'