Unstable

I sit here in silence
with only me to blame
because of last night
nothing will ever be the same
the clock reads 5:15am
i will not sleep tonight
unsure if it is regrets
or simply just from fright
i made a bad mistake
and i cannot turn it around
still unsure as to why i did this
im crying helplessly on the ground
why werent you there to stop me?
tell me, aly no!
no one was there to guide me straight
im thankful i can go
and leave this town, a one way ticket
never to return
but i know i will never live this down
in my soul, this thing will burn
so many people were hurt
by one unintentional action that i made
so many regrets and silent tears
from this game i often played
i thought i had changed for the better
but alas, again i was wrong
i sit here in silence, wondering how far i will go
just to try to belong
i dont want to be this girl anymore
i no longer want to cut
i dont want to fake my happiness
live life in a personal hut
i dont want to have to lie to myself
pretending i like the girl i am
im sick of being confused about my sexuality
and not knowing who is my friend
im tired of disappointing myself
each and every time i say its the last
im over hiding my emotions
i can no longer wear my mask
im cant stand writing my emo poems
posting them, day after day
im over being known as another slu+
no matter what i say
why wont somebody listen to me
hear the cries from the silent teen
because beyond her laughs and printed smile
it may not all be as it seems
my grip on reailty
it coming to a halt
and in the end, when it comes down to it,
i know it is my fault