Beautiful Suicide

I cant wait to show you,
the progress I've made;
my arms are a bloody mess,
all my clothes are blood-stained.

i hate to be alone,
but i love it when you leave;
because then i can open up,
no one i have to deceive.

the angel of death,
has kissed my lips one too many times;
he has caressed my arms,
made me want to finish the deed: take my life.

"the sparkle has left her eyes",
they all say as if they ever cared;
"she doesn't have feelings anymore",
like i don't hear them and see their stares.

they ask if I'm okay,
they grab my fragile wrists;
i pull away and reply, "I'm fine",
they see my lies as my hands form fists.

"no one understands!",
i scream in the rain;
my heart aches, me eyes burn,
no one could possibly feel my eternal pain.

they say i will burn in hell,
i can turn to no one - i cannot confide;
they don't see that living is hell for me,
that without razor blades, my sorrow cant subside.

if they saw how it helped,
how it freed my soul;
they would allow this treacherous battle,
with my body, the struggle to feel whole.

you make my emotion stir,
you turn my body to stone;
you help me to prepare,
the bloody skills i will hone.

as i slit my wrists,
watch them bleed;
waste my breath,
on silent "i love you's", i slowly plead:

God, show me there is something to live for,
don't let me stray from this wonderful high;
just let my body muster enough energy,
to grab my blade, my friend who lays nigh.

i cant see your feelings,
everything means nothing to me;
i am a silent carcass,
a beautiful shell of what i used to be.

now,
as i lock my door;
hit my head, slide down,
onto the hard, cold bathroom floor,

i sit in silent agony,
my tears, hate, depression i can no longer hide;
i bet no one ever knew,
this little girl was a beautiful suicide.