Nights

Sitting in the dark
Awake because of sleepless nights
Thinking about the pain I feel
Inside and out
Visible and invisible
Wishing he was here
To make it all better
Just like in my dreams
The dreams I haven't had for a while
Because of barely sleeping
But living the nightmares
Wanting to live the dreams instead
Not only physically tired
But on the inside too
Tired of all the hurt
Pain, arguments, life in general
Closing my eyes
And imagining him
Sitting with me
Seeing those deep green eyes
Hearing that beautiful voice
Feeling that caring touch
Trying to hold on to what's keeping me here
But the vision and memory slowly fade
Into the dark of night
Taking all hope and happiness too
Tears falling from my eyes
Just like rain
Hearing the soft sad music
Coming from the CD player
Seeing the cuts in my hand
Fill with crimson blood
Trying to drown problems
With amounts of alcohol
That only provide temporary relief
Because the pain keeps coming back
Stop the drinking knowing that
I have to function in a few hours
Need to hide all traces
All the signs and evidence
Of what happened
Need to disappear
Needing to hide all feelings
So not to burden or worry
Anyone else