Danceing in the pale moon light

by Navy SweetHeart   Nov 26, 2006


Dancing in the pale moon light
dancing all my time away.
never did i think this time would come.
never did i think i would have to say good by to the one i love.

now I\'m dancing alone in the night
with only the moon for light.

i wish you the best.
with the one you chose.
only to know i still love you.

that choice you made and had no idea someone would die alone tonight.

now i hope your happy now as
you hold her close and kiss them lips.

the music has stopped and the dance is over.
now my body lyes dead and alone in the pale moon light.

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    I was thrown of this piece due to the length difference in some of the lines..bad structure can put a potential reader of. Try editing your structure to make the piece look more presentable.

    I LOVE the imagery you created in this piece, I thought it was very beautifully created, and it painted such vivid pictures in my mind.

    Again, try eliminating some of ther fillers. There's really no need for them.

    I love the ending you used on this piece, I found it to be very hard hitting and so intense that it hits the reader like a slap in the face, coupled with such powerful imagery that it was just beautifully written.

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