Lost

The pain of living without you is killing me slowly. I can't move. My body is shutting down. I eat and sleep, but even my dreams are filled with a darkness that could only have come from you. The dark is overwhelming and I know that I can't run from it.

This never-ending pain can't be destroyed. Maybe I bring it upon myself, for my restless thinking never ceases. I am forever turning memories over in my head and analyzing everything that you have ever said; hoping to find some light in the darkness that I now call home. So far, there is nothing.

I have learned to block out the words and thoughts of others. What they have to say is meaningless to me. The only sound that I long to hear is the sound of your voice once more. The other sight that I wish to see is your hand intertwined with mine. Until then, I try to convince myself that I am content with the ever-growing darkness.

Even as I write this, my mind is flooded with thoughts that do not belong to me. I do not know this person who has embodied me. I know not of this person who has lost all hope. Before you, I would have never let myself feel this way. I would have banished all these terrifying lost long ago. But now, I fear, I know no life before you. There is no way that I could be whole if I had never known you. And yet, after knowing you, I feel that there is no way that I can ever be whole again.

I am lost inside of myself.