The Person I Don't Try To Be

I donâ??t understand why it never works out.
It always ends up that I have to pout.
I cry when I hear that one same word;
If he only knew how much it hurts.
Each time itâ??s the exact same thing,
I keep to myself just how much it stings.
I just wish he could see
The love thatâ??s in me.
I want him to be here,
Then I would have nothing to fear.
He would be close and never leave,
I could tell him just how much it means
To have his love and he have mine.
As we let our lives intertwine.
But that will never happen to me,
For he doesnâ??t love me, canâ??t you see?
He never talks, he never waves,
and that is just what I crave.
But he canâ??t see it, so hard Iâ??ve tried.
He just canâ??t see whatâ??s in my eyes.
I want him to know, I really do,
But if he did, it all would be through.
The way he looks at me would change,
Everything would just be strange.
Things would never be the same again,
Those big, warm hugs, they would end.
I would lose one of my greatest friends.
All just because I wanted a boyfriend.
I hope he can understand,
I really want the friendship to withstand.
If I could tell him just one thing,
I would say what my heart wants to sing.
And if he listens, he will hear
Exactly why I want him near.
But I cannot tell him just right now,
Because I really donâ??t know how.
I want to tell him so many things,
But then my feelings Iâ??d be revealing.
I think that he would understand,
But I donâ??t want to take that chance.
I just canâ??t, at least not now,
But when I can, I will somehow.
If he knew the real true me,
The me that I donâ??t try to be,
I wonder what he would think,
â??That little girl so small and meek,
Who knew, that she could be so full,
Of all that love so wonderful?â??
But he would never think of me that way.
All that I could ever say,
Could never make him see into me,
To the person I donâ??t try to be.