Thats mad

"surceed "

i'm not sure that's a word

"A leap pf faith"

*of*
i believe that pf is not a word either lmfao!

*A tone deaf voice
How the angel sings*

i think it would give a better... easily read flow like this:

*A tone deaf voice...
How the angel sings*

not a big change, but it kinda makes the reader read it differently than just bare lines

*But she wept hopelessly
For she was meant to mourn*

forced rhyme.

*Upon the moon
She wrought her wrath
Surrounded by the orb
With a bloody, red bath*

I believe that that verse would have been better as a quartet (if that's what it's called). I think that you should rhyme with orb, rather than wrath. It would sound much better.

Well, overall i found it a hard poem to read. I'm not sure if it just wasn't my type, but... it was a well written poem.
Still, i am indecisive about whether it is a four or a five.

But, it was very .... pretty...
So what the heck, a poem about death.
It deserves a five.

Well written, just try to keep the flow a little...
less rigid and forced.

5/5
~stephen white
(yellowfeverlime)

The description was perfect! brought out true emotion. so dark yet so not. has a bit of everything in it. sadness, a hint of love, hope and yes darkness.

5/5 David

Woah! You need to publish a book or something! your writing is absolutly amazing! I only saw a few mistakes

A leap pf faith (should be of)
And her eyes were torn
From their greatest weakness
They shuddered from the scorn

Upon the moon
She wrought her wrath
Surrounded by the orb----I do not know what this is lol----
With a bloody, red bath

But other then that it is an amazing poem the words you used were incredible like collapsing/ shuddered/beckoned/gasped and many others you have such a great talent and I got chills when I read this poem which is always good it flowed so nicely
well in the first stanza I liked: The word Surceed it was a nice word and made me more intrested into what big words you would use next
The second stanza I liked: I loved the thing about her eyes it just hurts to read it
the third stanza i liked: The feeling that you put about her knowing she is going to be hurt and how she is trying to flee away
the fourth stanza I liked: the whole moon winnning over the fight with the sun it was great
the fifth: the thing about the angel with black wings was sad and imaginative
the sixth: it is happy because she is better so I smiled lol
the seventh: Sad again! because the angel is sad
The 8th: still sad because the heart is dead...
The ninth: I didn't quite get because I'm a little slow lol
The tenth: Very Sad because of the blood bath thing
The eleventh: sad because now she is dead and the angels are crying

Fabulous poem

Are you serious?? You wrote this?? Because I am blown away!!! I have read a lot of poems in the last few years since I began writing, and this one is... one of the greatest pieces of writing I have seen. The rhythm, the rhyme, the diction, the message, the imagery... it all perfectly combined into one incredible, soulfull, breathtaking poem!!! Because of this, you are now going onto my favorites. :) I do not read too much these days, but I now look forward to your poetry. Great job!!

Long but to the point,you have talent,your vocabulary and imaginery are so creative

Should i say wow again?? hmm nah i should but this is another great poem... u hav an awsome talent....and it shows =)

Wow...I loved this poem it was excellent definitly my fave so far!

Upon the moon
She wrought her wrath
Surrounded the orb
With a bloody, red bath

Once again another powerful write. I think that your poems are absoulty amazing. You have some true talent, the words youuse hold so much power they leave your reader with absoulty perfect image. I hope that made sense. I love your work, please keep writting for my soul couldn't handle such a tragic loss.

I thought this an awesome poem, i like the imagery as in scorched blackened wings, very vivid and realistic, and yet far off and distant

your servant:
atticus

When I first read this poem it sounded like an anti suicide poem and that’s something very rare on this site and it really grabbed my attention. In the end however I was shocked when the angel died, but you managed to create it in a very poetic and sad way. Well done, I loved it.