Tin man

by the lost mind   Dec 26, 2006


A man made of tin
made to never sin
no feelings no pain
meant always to be sane
this tin man met this girl
she sent him on a whirl
she made him live
she made him able to give
then she got up and walked
he refused to talk
tears rusted him
he stayed still as everything became dim
years later he opens his eyes
still she hasn't come back he crys
he misses the touch
he misses sitting there listening and such
years of rust covers him
rust covers his dead limbs
anger flowing through
thinking of her is all he can do
insanity is looming
his mind dooming

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  • 17 years ago

    by Heart*Sick

    I'm not trying to be harsh, but I assume you should attempt to make all of the sentences you are trying to rhyme have the same amount of syllables, sort of like, in the first rhyme attempt, it would have sounded better had you said "A man Made out of tin, made never to sin" other than "A man mad eout of tin, made to never sin" Be wordy, spice it up, you are pretty good with the whole thoughts and ideas, keep it up, I'm certain you will much improve.

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