Why am i who i am?

Why am i who i am?
why cant i help the things i do?
each day i hope i wont wake,
just my life i find it hard to chew,

born not right,
like a freak,
am not hole,
one you never want to meet,

each day i cry a tear,
try to take my life,
the pain hurts to much,
for every inch i push that knife,

i am sorry,
for all the things Ive done,
and for the fool i am,
only wish i could find a gun.

when i leave i wont be remembered,
in a hole i shall lay
no visits would be made,
i wait and beg for that day.

when i pass there will be no tears,
i am sorry every one,
didnt want you to see me,
pull this trigger to this gun......