Other than 2 typos, your write is excellent. It does flow better than the earlier version. Written with raw emotion. I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your sadness in the poetic form.

In the 2nd stanza ment should be meant and in the 4th stanza to should be too

Aww this poem was heart breaking, especially the last line. I loved it, it was so full of emotion, great work. I noticed a few things that I would change though, maybe you could try capitalizing the first letter of the line, and instead of using "u", spell out the word "you", also, in the last line, you might want to use quotation marks. Other than that, this poem was perfect, great work.

--Steph

Wow. Just amazing. 5/5 from me. You have some great talent!!.

Excellent job! So sad. The emotions can truely be felt in your words.

Wow this is an awesome poem!
i especially like the last verse it was really sad yet so deep!
5/5 great work :)

and thanks for your comment on one of my poems, I did change it after lol, I knew something was slightly wrong in the beginning

xxxx

Six simple words,
"I'm going to see my dad today"......

^ That is seven words, not six. Anyhow, this was a very heartfelt piece. Really well-written. Keep it up.

Wow.. this really hits home. =[ very good, though.