Dear Mom,
i just want to let you know i\'m doing it.
i\'m living the life you already quit.
i\'m doing exactly what i know you would have wanted,
even though by your memory i\'m still haunted.
i\'ve tripped too many times to count
and once i fell down.
but i\'m back standing
and i\'ve made my goals twice as demanding.
i miss you so
and i wish you didn\'t choose to go.
i wish i could touch your face and feel your hair
and i wish with you all my pent up feelings i could share.
i know you would understand better than them all
and you would catch me before i even fall.
I still cry when i try to remember your voice
and again i wish you didn\'t make that choice.
i love you too
and i\'m sorry i didn\'t tell you.
maybe you wouldnt be dead
if those were the last words i had said.
I\'ve never forgiven myself for that
and i wish i could go back.
Mom, why arent you here?
you\'re the only one i want to wipe my tears.
but i hope you\'re happy, i really do...
it\'s just so hard without you.
do you think of me,ever?
or do they not let you do that up there?
i think of you always
and i wish you could have stayed.
5 months Mom, you couldnt wait?
you couldnt defy fate?
you broke your promise mom
and now you;re gone.
thats the one thing i dont understand
you said you would never try again.
you lied
and i cried.
and because of that, i saw something that will always be in my head.
you lying on a cold steel table, dead.
thats when it hit me by the way,
that you were no longer here to stay.
when i saw you at that funeral home
is when i finally realized you were gone.
Mom, you\'re my hero
and i wish you didnt go
but i\'m allowed to be angry
i need to be.
i\'m allowed to not understand
and not see the reasons behind what happened.
Can i forgive myself,
tell myself that i couldnt of helped?
is that allowed
or would that be rude?
because mom i am angry.
i know its selfish to be
but i cant help it,
i\'m still upset.
i know you thought everyone would be better off,
but no one is better off!
you made a mistake
and now my heart has to break?
it doesnt seem fair
because you\'re pain free up there
while i\'m down here
shedding my tears.
-Oh god mom i\'m so sorry
i dont knwo what came over me.
its just for 4 years, these words have been pent up inside
and i had to let them out like all the tears i cried.
i\'m so sorry
how selfish of me.
i dont think those things,
i wasnt even thinking.
i know i shouldnt be angry
just because you\'re finally pain free
and i\'m down here trying to live my life
even through all the pain and strife.
All i wanted to do was to let you know i\'m doing it.
i\'m living the life you already quit.
i\'m fufilling your wishes
and i\'m sorry for acting so vicious.
i\'m going to survive mom
and nothings going to go wrong.
i love you so much
and i promise to keep in touch.
Love,
your daughter.
