What Have I Become?

What have I become?
I cant end up like this,
My spirit is numb.
I've given into this abyss.

I've lost my knowledge of reality,
I'm turning into the man I learned to hate.
I've accepted mortality,
I'm comfortable with my fate.

Religion is no longer a question,
I've become nihilistic in a sense.
I'm drowning in my depression,
And my mind has no defense.

I show no compassion for the common man,
I'm now half the man I used to be.
But I'm trying everything I can,
To find something to set me free.

I've done horrible things before,
But now I'm just too nonchalant.
I cant be like this anymore,
This is not what I want.

I want to be able to feel,
I want to love flatly.
I want there to be something real.
And I want it so badly.

But theres something in the way,
The only question is what?
My world has turned gray,
And all doors are shut.

Ive been reduced to a cipher.
Only a cold shadow of a man.
Ive got nothing to give anymore,
And theres nothing I can.

I'm hurt,
I'm depressed,
Inert,
Yet obsessed.

Nothing seems logical,
I quit everything today.
But the pain is only psychological.
So I should be ok,

I'm going to find true meaning,
I'm off to a world that doesn't exist.
For psychological cleaning,
So this pain I can dismiss...

(c) JP 2007