Spared

I sometimes wonder why I was spared
Spared the monster of the detox
Why there was no coma, no death
I wonder how I said I am done, and did for love
Then I realize I was not spared
The devil left me to pick up the ruins I had caused while in his grasp
I was left here for the black hole, and thoughts I could not go on
To sit and wonder who had it worse?
Me to fight or those who perished
I pray for mercy, for the things I did
I pray for peace in my heart again
I realize I was not spared
The monster leaves some of us to feel the pain of the ruin we have left
Or is it God that sent his angels to save me
I ask why me
I know only one answer
To help, to help save the innocent
Innocent like I once was
Before I lost my halo
So I do God’s work, but the monster gets pleasure in my pain
The pain of lost love, beat up friendships, and relationships that detached from me
I ask for mercy, and forgiveness, but I think this is a long ride