MOMMY TO BABY : SO SORRY

I wonder sometimes, if this was the life meant for me,
to miss you with an aching, unbearable pain,
somedays I want to wish you back to me,
still knowing things will never be the same.
again and again I mourn the loss of you,
hoping my tears will allow my heart to feel release,
but I hold my head and wipe my eyes,
knowing nothing in this world could ever bring me that peace.
other days I want to mourn you, my precious baby,
in hopes I will never forget you, never will I ever,
and even though I can not hold you, can not have you,
someday, somewhere we will BE together.
truly knowing I was so so so wrong to let you go,
my heart filled with enormous, overwhelming regret,
thinking somedays if I forgive myself, I chose to accept it,
and I haven't allowed to let myself do that yet.
well what if I hadnt done this, if I hadnt done that,
If I had stood up for myself, if I had only been a little bit stronger,
and only in my deepest, sincerest sorrows,
would I feel like I couldnt, just could not, go on any longer.
so I put my sadness to words, sorrow to paper,
and never ending pain into rhyme,
my hopes, my fears and my regrets,
everything expressing so beautifully what I had felt all this time.
and even knowing my words, no matter how perfectly fit,
can never erase what is now my shattering reality,
I just pray-somehow, someway and someday,
both my heart and your soul can be free.