Another simple love story

Hmm.. what to say? well its a good start i would say but it doesnt have that wow! factor. love is a very strong subject and many people could write poems that probably could make some people cry. you showed that your starting to write well but you need to write it with more feeling.

I can't help feeling that you just sat, wrote this out, and then posted it...

It's quite emotional, I'm sure, but it doesn't really go any way towards showing how you were left feeling, or what your reactions were, at all. I also didn't understand the 2nd stanza. "She" was trying to hide the fact that "he" already had a girl?

I'm sorry, it's just very erratic. You've got some good basic elements but there's so much people could easily do with this kind of subject material, and you've not done it. In short: it's lacking in the fiery emotions that come with things like finding out you're being two-timed or knowing you've been played.