This poem is not usually the type I'll sit down and read. Considering that, I enjoyed this poem. It was a nice lift from some of the other stuff I read. I liked it and I thought it was very powerful.

It's not something I would usually want to read, but it had a good story. There seemed to be a few grammatical errors that sorda disrupted the flow of it, but overall it was a great read.

marcella

Yeah, it's not 2.3 (or 3.2). It may be down to the fact you used unsual language, the second line is an example, instead of "pitch black" you said "black of pitch" and from experience on this site, I know, most people wouldn't have an open mind to accept that (or understand it).
I found the original use of twistered language quite interesting, and certianly a good part of the poem.
Of course with every poem there are things to work on.
One maybe is the flow of the last two stanzas. The rhyme in the 5th seemed off, and not very smooth. The wordiness of the final stanza was what threw that one off for me.
Also, what on earth is the rhyme scheme for this piece? lol It ranges from abab, abac, aaaa, abcb, it's confusing. The lack of an aparent and constant rhyme scheme was another issue which hindered the flow considerably.
It's good (not perfect but good) certainly not a 2.3 though. I'd say a 4.3 if I'm perfectly honest.

Hey :D uhm i just like tos ay that this is a good poem. and i dont speak for everyone. but i think that the reason that the rating is so low is because the rhyms seem forced. and there isnt a definate rhym sceme. and there are some flowing problems. but the poem has a great idea i just think that if you took a little time and tried a little hearder then the poem itself would have turned out better and the votes wouldnt be so low.

-liz

I already commented this once, but I thought it was a good poem. Even with the little mistakes. It's definitley not a 2.3 In honesty, I'd give it a 4.5, but I rounded up to 5. :]

marcella

I think this is a great poem! 5 rating all the way. Good job. Loved it

Very interesting, at first I wasn't to sure what it was going to be about but the ending was so shocking. Beautiful. I love poems where I don't know what's going to happen. I agree with you I think it was rated so low because many people are jealous. You have an amazing talent, and lots of people can't take it after a while. But don't let them get to you. Keep writing, cause I look forward to your next peace.

I was wonder if on the line, a simlpy but deadly kiss, is it really suppose to be simply? or did u mean simple?
good job=)

I have to say the rhyming through off a bit, but I absolutely loved the poem. I love vampires so this was a very enjoyable poem for me to read; they were very descriptive. I loved your choice of words. The flow was very good. You have amazing talent. You did a lovely job writing this!

Keep writing!
Cayce

The rhyming wasn't thorough through out.. It was pretty much scattered.. But I still really liked it. It was very deep & dark. Powerful, really. The word choice was great.

Vocabulary was incredible :]

Thats the tragic scent of forbidden love's death.

Verboten love's tantalizing kiss.
Has left you in a troublous abyss.
Protection is now what you miss.
All from a simple, yet deadly kiss.

^ Deffinitley my favorite lines.. Just so beautiful & breathtaking.

Bri x

Wow. This poem is great! I love the vocab you used.

Rhyming was nice
flow pefect
word choice- the arrangement was unique.

Verboten love's tantalizing kiss.
Has left you in a troublous abyss.
Protection is now what you miss.
All from a simple, yet deadly kiss.

i liked the rhyming pattern for this stanza. it hisses at you. i dont know if this was intentional, but the onomatopeoia gives it a serpine eeryie feeling, like of the vampire.

<3

That wuz AWESOME! :) i loved it!! it kept meh racing to read to the end!! hhaha~ very good...gave meh chills! the sorta thing i like :) XD 5/5!!

--**Skye~

-Check out some of my poems!! Thanks!-

This isn't a poem I would usually read and LOL dont hurt me but I have trouble with poems with words I dont know.
hehe

But I really did enjoy this poem, Loved the vampire-ness of it and the words you used that I knew were beautiful.

very well written poem.

Sorry this comment is shorter than my others but It was still a great poem.

well done
^_^