Find Refuge

God help me to find reason,
An answer I quest to know,
Do all things have reasons?
Hoping my heart can know.

Perfect life I thought I have,
Man of God that is my hubby,
Beautiful child we are blessed
Perfect! Rather it just seems to be?

The blame should I claim?
Don't know how it happened,
Could not imagine that day will come,
The day when heaven closed its door.

January 1, and again on February 1,
Always on the 1st day of each month,
A month of healing then wounded again,
What does One means to you?

A promise to be faithful and true,
Oh how I hold it closed to my soul,
Never dream you will break your vow,
It hurt so much, I want to die.

Self-pity, please do not consume me,
Dying because you is of no worth,
No other means but to ease the pain,
To God I hold and find refuge.