Comments : Wishing You Were Mine

  • 17 years ago

    by lala

    That was such a beautiful poem!

    "With the face of an angel, pretty eyes that shine,it seems that I'll remain here forever, wishing you were mine."
    That was such a good line! so sweeeet.
    you must really like this girl. 5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Krzysztof J

    Lol NOT bad for writers block , its verygood so far finish it and let me know :)) 5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Romantic Lover

    "You know its true, that no matter what I do,
    I'll wait for an eternity just to be with you."

    This is exactly how I feel. Great poem.

  • 17 years ago

    by Cattiebrie

    I love the description, so many poems are lacking imagery. fantastic "illuminating goodbyes" some is really vivid, while a few are a bit cliche.

  • 17 years ago

    by Edward D Zurovec

    Great poem of a yearning young heart. I found it a very enjoyable read ,although in the second line

    the moonlight [ begins]to die

    Great write as I like Quality short poems5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Lauren Waszkiewicz

    Aww. i like this poem. very good job. =]
    Few things--
    blushed- i think it should be flushed. but thats just me. :P
    No place left~,~ there should be a comma there, the flow is a lil off. =]
    no feeling more painful than this feeling I have inside. this line seems too long. but just slightly, myy recommendation is to shorten this line slightly, or lengthen the one above it,
    pretty ? pretty, please your talking 'bout an ANGEL. lol. cant you use a better word? glorious? magical? something? lol
    remain here forever i think the 'here' should be removed from this line.
    ~~ and watch your capitalizations and punctuations. =]

    ~~
    now dont think i didnt like it, or it was horrible or anything! =P you asked for a crtitiquing,. so i gave it. i pulled every line apart! lol. it was a great poem. i just said the little things that could help give it a lil push. lol

    5/5!
    (if it were out of ten id give it a 9)

  • 17 years ago

    by debbylyn

    Very romantic......I like it Bryan. It has a nice flow and rhyme pattern. Keep writing! Enjoy your work....

    Debbie

  • 17 years ago

    by aDORKable x3

    Aww Byran, what a great poem! Man, even with writer's block you're still really good. I know what you are going through...I spend a lot of time wishing that people were mine... but there's a way to try and make that happen: ask them. lol Idk if that helps at all, but me personally, I'm sick of waiting around if there's something I could do to make my life a little better. Also, try being spontaneous, like if you really like this girl and you know that she's not dating anyone, go up and kiss her. You might think I'm crazy, but sometimes things like that work!
    Anyway... after that useless part, I really enjoyed you poem and you'll have to let me know when you write more into it because I would like to read it. =]
    5/5
    Ciao

  • 17 years ago

    by Italian Stallion

    Very nicely written. The flow as well as the structure was great. Your wording was outstanding, keep up the great work.

    Peace, Joe

  • 17 years ago

    by BECCA lessTHANthree

    Okay .. to be completely honest.. this poem is GREAT :D .. the emotion is spectacular.. some of the words are simple and the imagery is dry.. however... some words are wonderful and very descriptive..& the flow is nice.. super write!

  • 17 years ago

    by Liz

    "With the face of an angel, pretty eyes that shine,
    it seems that I'll remain here forever, wishing you were mine."
    ___

    ^^ Loved those lines, Bryan. This was a very sweet poem. And something I can very much relate to. Beautiful write. Never stop!

    -` Liz

  • 17 years ago

    by Tricky Daze

    So touching and good,especially those

    No place left for my wounded heart to hide,
    no feeling more painful than this feeling I have inside.

    Keep up the good work
    Laura

  • 17 years ago

    by N J Thornton

    Writers block poems are never the best because we force them....
    I'm 50/50 with this poem. It was sweet. I also liked some of the lovely words such as "illuminating," "Intoxicating," "captivating" they were very beautiful and original.
    What I wasn't keep on was the predictable rhymes - come on you can do better!
    Also can you think of a better word than "black" to describe the sky?
    Plus, angel is a cliche image....naughty Bryan.
    Lovely poem though...Keep writing.

  • 17 years ago

    by Cindy

    Bryan
    i was waiting so long for another poem by you. You did not disappoint. This is beautiful! Word choices excellent. the picture it leaves in my mind is such a lovely one. Keep up the wonderful poems. Take care your friend Cindy

  • 17 years ago

    by LockedInEternity

    I think this was a very sweet poem..and even with the writters block it turned out pretty nice...umm, there was one verse i didnt like "You know its true, that no matter what I do,
    I'll wait for an eternity just to be with you."...i think there was just one too many words ryming with "you"..maybe i just didnt read it quite how you pictured..but it just seemed seperate from the rest of the verses. Other than that, very nice poem:):)

  • 17 years ago

    by Jenni

    I thought this was such a great poem. the flow was magnificant and i loved every single part of it. Your descriptions painted such vivid pictures in my mind! great job! 5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by ~Amy~

    If this is not your best then you're best must be amazing! i like how you used multi-sylabol words. It gave it a lot of flavor and even though i had to read it slow to get it all in, i thought is very VERY well written! keep up the great work!!!
    ~Amy~

  • 17 years ago

    by Fredy

    It has, what the french call: i don't know what, great poem.

  • 17 years ago

    by Cindy

    Bryan
    I wanted to read one of your poems.
    so I read this one again.

    With the face of an angel, pretty eyes that shine,
    it seems that I'll remain here forever, wishing you were mine.

    beautiful!
    Take Care Cindy

  • 17 years ago

    by Milo

    I loved it, it seems these are the words i wanted to express, but obviously you are a better poet than i am lol