Aftermathes

Locking myself in my room
On the bed I laid
Hugging my pillow as if it cared
Like a person to comfort me
Only friend I had in this state
Hiding my face in the make believe shoulder
Crying silently with the pain I felt
Tears of suffering running down my face
Like a river of rain that flowed from my broken heart
Shedding more blood from the wound in my soul
Cant move, everything numb
Cant breath, pain so unbarring
Cant speak, throat chocking
Cant see, too much water blurring everything
Cant think, seeing re-runs in my mind
Cant concentrate, hearing voices loud in my head
Telling me everything I wanted to hear
Telling me of what will happen, what will come
All lies, no truths, no purity
All betrayals, all broken promises
You werent real just an illusion of what I wanted you to be
You are my dream come to life
Perfect only for me
Cant bare the torment cant bare the separation
Cant bare the image cant bare the lose
Cant bare what I wont ever have, what isnt even real
Stop crying, stop pitying myself
Wipe away all the tears ive shed for an illusion
Angry at myself for what ive become
A prey of my own imagination, my own fantasies, my own dreams
Throw away the pillow furiously, hitting the wall
Jump out of bed, standing fuming with the fire of my anger
Shaking with my determination, no more pity, no more desperation
No more, no more, over and over again in my head I say
Enough is enough! no more trapping myself in my head
No more make believe fairytales
No more prince charming coming to the rescue on a white stallion
Thats it ive had it!
Killing myself, caging my heart with the illusions of my mind
No more tears, no more unhappiness
No more dreaming for me and him
Finally growing up into what could be
A realistic me with nothing to lose by falsely hoping for something more
Just gaining what surprises that come my way
This way I wont dream of what Ill never get
This way my life is safe from any misleading I may get
But no matter how much we say things like this
No matter how much we swear we wont repeat the old mistakes
We always repeat them and they always become worse
Cause even after swearing, our hearts will always beg for more