Breathe .

Ohhhh wow...this brought tears to my eyes...

I foud the opening stanza to be so very sad and heartbreaking, and such a wonderful way to open the piece, it drags the reader right into it, and I love the parathensis (sp?) effect again, I think that makes it so much stronger with this piece.

"(Let go)
It falls apart.
(Relax)
Ignore your heart.

^^ Easily my favourite stanza of the piece...I find this to be incredibly moving, so bittersweet and filled with so much pain and loss, that you can't help but -feel- everything that you're talking about here.

"(Step forward)
No, don't kiss.
(Go backwards)
Don't make more to miss."

^^This is the only bit I'm not to sure on, simply because I feel that the flow is slightly of in the last line...maybe something like..

"Nothing to miss" or "No more to miss" ? Just a thought.

"(Inhale)
Release a sigh.
(Clear your throat)
& Say good-bye."

^^ This is the part that brought me to tears...so moving and sad, and something I feel to many people can relate to...I love this stanza.

On the whole, I think you did a beautiful job with this.

I love how you did this. When I read it the first time (before you requested I comment it) I honestly thought it was SO unique and cool. I still think that. I love the concept. I'd love to see you write another poem like this. It absolutely stunned me in a good way.

You capture your theme with a subliminal exercise (breathing) that makes it wholly engaging. The pitch was hurried and emotions raw and captivating. I enjoyed this piece, Mindy. Nice piece.

Great poem, i liked it... it felt like u were talking to meh xD lol but 5/5 i liked it alot it wuz put together nicely! ^_^

~*~skYe~*~

This is amazing you put the words so perfectly together and made an osm poem great write

laura