Broken Heart

"I wish that I could say
Everything that I feel
I wish that I could prove
That all of this were real"

^^ Not keen on all the "i's"

Maybe:

wishing that I could say
Everything that I feel
Wanting only to prove
That all of this were real

"You sat next to me in class
I wanted to hold you so tight
Listen to your beautiful voice
Tell me "Everything will be alright""

^^I thought the flow seemed slightly of in the last line here.

"We hold hands together
As we walk down the hall
We will be there for each other
If ever we should fall"

^^I thought the last line would sound better if you swapped ever and should around, so that it read "if we should ever fall"

"Though this is naught but a dream
And class rapidly comes to an end
I will be waiting for you tomorrow
With a broken heart to mend"

^^Absolutely adore these closing lines, so full of melancholy and despair but at the same time beautifully written.

I liked tihs poem. I use to feel that way.. Once in high school. Well, I'm still in high school, but at my old school.

You did a good job with this poem, I really was hoping it wouldn't be a dream, eh. The feelings, flow, description, and rhyming was quite amazing.
Keep it up.
teria.

oh, i can't do the other two, because i've done them.. lol. But I will do two others for you; that i've not done.

Hmmmm..... I could reply in an immature and childish manner but I daresay that would achieve nothing for either of us except a continued argument. Thanks for the complement on my poem, and you are a good poet yourself. However, you have no right to say what you did. They might be your friends, I do not know, but still, you should take your own advice and mind your own buisiness. I do not wish to argue with you, nor will I so please just let this drop.

Nice job on your poem. Loved your opening stanza :)

I wish that I could say
Everything that I feel
I wish that I could prove
That all of this were real

Really nice.
Take Care Cindy

A very goo piece. I enjoyed the perfect flow and the story itself. Also, I enjoyed the the way it was being told. Usually, I'd write a much longer comment, but I'm sure you don't need my affirmation nor my suggestions...not that I've got any.

Brad

P.S. Thanks for your comment on my poem 'The Day He Won't Forget'. Also, I did note the suggestions and changed what need to be, except the 'semi-colon' part. Sadly I'm not as intelligent as you and didn't actually know what that was, sorry.