This was incredible. The flow is unmatched. I believe that this is truly one of the best poems i've read in a while. The lines transitioned amazingly and the passion and emotion was genuine. Great write.

<center><small>I have to say...
This is very well written.
Although,
It kind of seems a bit dry.
I like it, I like the stor,
But some of it, I just didn't understand.
Maybe I didn't look deep enough into it.
You said to critisize.
So I did my best.
Lol.
Sorry.

For a 1st poem, this is excellent in my mind! 5/5

An over all great read. The imagery you proposed was a unique picture. The rhyming was very nice and non cliche, and they actually seemed to fit the sentence. However, the flow lacked a bit. Sometimes what I like to do is hand a copy of my poem to a friend, and have them read my poem out loud to me. I take careful note as to where the stumble, or seem to speed up to make the beat nice and even....that’s usually where the flow isn't correct. I noticed that you seemed to avoid words like "a" or "the" like they were the plague or something :p It's good in some places not to have filler words such as those, but in others they make the sentence make more sense.

You did an excellent job on this one. Some of it I had to read twice to get it to make sense. Maybe that is just me. The flow was good and I liked the story within the poem, it was very well written. Keep up the good work

You'll be added to my favourites as soon as I finish writing this comment. Such beautiful poetry, it really was great. I feel so small writing these to you, considering your far superior critique and writing skills. All I can do is congratulate and compliment you. For this, I apologise. I loved reading through this poetry so much, thankyou.

Sole. x

This poem had feeling it had emotion it didnt just tell a story. it also reached out and grabed you into it it was beautifuly done. BRAVO check out my poems sometime.

Very good rhyming
I loved the flow
Your vocabulary was strong
imagery was good
it painted a picture in my mind
wonderful job
5/5

Wow what a great sad poem. I loed the way you have revised it and written if flawlessly. Great word choice. Loved the style and the message 5/5 all the way

Both lexically and poetically strong
Fsams

That was so beautiful the wording and flow was flawless. 5/5!

-Liz- <3

Well, this is written quite well. Good style and form but I'm not picking upon the point or what the subject really is. A little confusing to me.

Beautiful use with words here. excellent writing, keep it up!

(i especially loved the last stanza.)

[tragic]