Up and Down

You walked by me the other day
With a pretty pink sweater
And matching shoes.
Pink could never look better.
But you caught me off guard
When you looked at me and didn't turn your eyes.

At that moment I knew one thing.
That I had lied to myself and I still loved you.
At that moment I feared something.
A question that burned in my mind
Like the flames of a fire.

What would hurt me more?
Being as close to you as I wanted?
Or being as far from you as I should?
Which would cause my heart to break less?
That was my question.

So that's what I ask you now,
With your pretty pink sweater.
What is better for me?
What will you allow?

Can I be close enough to you again?
Closer, even,
To hold you in my arms,
To squeeze you, oh, so tight
And whisper in your ear,
"Baby, I love you"

Can I be far away from you?
So far that your memory won't reach me
To torture me like it always does.
To cause me melancholic sighs.
To remind me of the days
When I could hold you in my arms
And not worry about does it
Feel right or wrong.
Can I be that far?

Or will I die?

But for you it's ok.
Because you don't think of me the same way,
Do you?

No, you just go on and laugh with your friends,
Like I too have tried to do.
Yet I can never laugh and smile
As when the thought of you comes to me,
And mends my broken dreams.

So answer me now.
Can I leave you forever, and die with a broken heart?
Can I come back to the way things were before that December?
Or will you turn your eyes,
Pretend you didn't hear,
And go to your friends,
Your friends,
While my heart slowly freezes
In agony and pain,
I wonder,
I wonder.
Do you care?