The Truth Of My pain And Despair

Watching as the months roll on
And my life slowly passes me bye
Wondering if I'll ever be happy
Just wanting to hide away and die

Death seems like my last resort
The simple answer to all my prays
It seems like no-one would miss me
I know no-one really cares

I'm not afraid to leave it all behind
My present,or future or my past
But what seems to worry me most
Is my family may not last

Dreaming off the looks on their faces
As they cry and bow their head
Crying over a lonely lost soul
Facing that I'm finally dead

I know that they have tried
To ease my torment and my pain
But i don't know how i can keep up this act
Pretending that I'm still sain

Pretending that I'm moving on
Pretending my smile is real
Pretending that I'm over it all
Pretending that Ive started to heal

But they don't see the tears i cry
When i see no-one is there
They don't see my voice go shaky
When i see a person stare

I wish some-one would notice
I wish someone could see my soul
And see all the pain inside
Seeing the huge and gaping hole

My past has scared me for life
My present so much more
My future brings me to tears
Brings me to the centre of my core

Ive hidden it for so so long
All the feelings i cant share
the feelings of a wishful death
The strong feelings of my despair

I only try for my family's sake
To hold it all together
To tell them that I'm doing OK
Saying i know i will get better

But as the months go rolling on
And i watch my life go bye
I know that ill never be happy
I wish more and more to die