That's sad. I love the use of imagery in this poem!
5/5

Thank you for the comment i love ur poem too

This poem is deep and it made me cry

5/5 poem Written well.

BlAcK RoSe

Nce poem, i liked the start but the end was disappointing for me.

Another well written poem, I know it was similar to the poem before this one, but you made it different. It's like looking at the same thing from a different point of view. I am looking forward to reading your other poems very soon. Keep writing my friend!

Aww thanks for the comments guys :)

I agree to wallace,,,, but though, the end is not enough for me i was deeply feel the emotion in the beginning.. still great!

Another great poem marc...It showed alot of emotion and I agree, it was like another point of view from the first poem.. I liked the ending, but I think it couldv'e been stronger.. Although, alot of my poems come from what ever is in my mind at the time, I don't think about how to make it "sound good". It's just my thoughts played out.. Great job Marc. 5/5
~Tyanna~

Another beautiful poem by Marc. lol 5/5
No flaws what so ever!

-Liz-
~muahs~

Aw this poem is so sad.. the boy in it didnt even think of everyone else that he would effect after he made that decision.. I liked the two lined stanzas and how there wasn't really a rhyme scheme, it just made it that much more interesting. Nicely written

Pretty good write, im not really one for scuicide poems, but i can feel the emotions sent from this.

good work

(:

Heyy well this poem kind of confused me a little but it was still great writing.

You write super strong poems "mommy, daddy, im coming home" that was the perfect ending... i would give this a 4/5 as well, just cause it didn't have perfect flow, but the rythm was pretty good so ya
gabriella

I really enjoyed the imagery created here. Very vivid and strong.

"Screaming my last words and then pain erupts
I breathe for the last time when I collapsed"

^ The last line here is in two different tenses. "I breathe..." and "I collapsed" shouldn't be put together. You should change 'breathe' to 'breathed'.

"Standing alongside my inert body
Crying. Mommy, daddy I'm coming home.."

^ Nice ending. 'Daddy' should be capitalised, though.

Nice work.

Ok thanks a lot HiddenxSoul!

This kind of reminds me of the Boys Night Out CD, Trainwreck. If you haven't heard it, you should listen to it. It's pretty intense. Great work, though. Another excellent poem.

5/5

[tragic]

I really wasn't keen on this poem, besides I found it difficult to understand it as you continuously jumped between first and third person. The subject was average and one I've read many times before (suicide.) It really didn't impress me one bit.
I'm not going to bore you with the list of things I didn't like because it won't help either of us...

Well if you really wanted to die thats a good way of doing it. Ok lets get down to it. The message was good the flow was pretty good. The final part though I had a couple of issues with, You said something about her then you said something about your mother and father. Ok who did you die for and why was that not explained just a thought

Sad, but brillant.strong deep emtions. great word choice. once again another brillant job.
i have really started to ejoy your work, keep it up. 5/5