Comments : Lost And Broken (Acrostic poem)

  • 17 years ago

    by MaSkEdSoUl

    For a first timer you did pretty good. I also want to do an acrostic poem aswell but everytime I do they end up very bad lol. Anyways it was really good. 5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Lauren

    I love this poem and I think you've done a great job. Keep it up and take care
    xx

  • 17 years ago

    by Darien

    This was a very nice poem, the only thing I can suggest is that you seperate each word as verses, it makes it more clear to read. Other than that, this was a great poem!

  • 17 years ago

    by BrokenREALiTy

    Whoa, it wasn`t that bad . It was nice, but could you like ... seperate some of them into stanzas ? It goes easier on the eyes since you started that way in the first place .

    So many marks left upon her skin.
    Tattered skin hidden underneath her long sleeves.

    When you repeat the word skin, I feel like it kind of loses itself in a way . But good write (:
    ..__MiNDYY

  • 17 years ago

    by Brigitte

    VERY nice for you’re first acrostic poem.... No wait...make that ANY acrostic poem. I wrote one once but it wasn't nearly as good as yours... Your imagry was AMAZING and the main idea so unique! I loved it!!

    Lost and broken is how she feels.
    Overwhelming pain and bruises she will never reveal.
    So many marks left upon her skin.
    Tattered skin hidden underneath her long sleeves.
    ^^ The last sentence with tattered throws the flow off... try something like this
    "Lost and broken is how she feels.
    Overwhelming pain and bruises she will never reveal.
    So many marks left upon her skin.
    Tattered skin hidden beneath her sleeves."

    Riding far off into the distance, only to come to a dead end road.
    ^^ This sentence seems to go on to long and throws the flow off.....I'm not trying to changed your poem... just suggesting something that might sound good as well
    "Riding far into the distance, only to great a dead end."

    Knocks at her door only exist in her dreams.
    ^^^ This doesn't really make sense...perhaps something like "Knocks at her door only to exist in her dreams"

    Those are just minor problems..... Your poem is already so near

  • 16 years ago

    by xxSnow Angelxx

    Lol...this is your first acrostic...then kudos=)
    Great work for your first one...there are a few errors though but u can sure go ahead and write many more of this type..
    Kp it up!
    5/5
    xxPoojaxx

  • 16 years ago

    by Boy

    It was awsome.
    Knocks at her door only exist in her dreams.

    i loved this poem and specialy this line take care

  • 16 years ago

    by Marc Ortiz

    It was really good and it was your 1st Acrostic poem well done! It's really hard to flow in Acrostic form but you were able to do it! Fantastic work! keep it up! 5/5!