Somewhere In The Darkness

by Marcus   Apr 24, 2007


I sit in the midst of darkness,
It causes me to lose my sanity,
I lose emotion; I become heartless,
The devil grins; I'm trapped in his fantasy.

It's so dark that my surroundings aren't visible,
Nobody is around for any type of communication,
Even when people pass by it's like I'm invisible,
Something is missing in my life; a source of illumination.

She found me where I was; she touched my heart,
This was an exciting and unforgettable event,
She can change my life of darkness with a little spark,
This girl is so lovely; too lovely for anyone to resent.

Until she is ready for me I'll set here waiting,
Though I'm alone and without her I suffer,
It's a wonderful thing; the way you're always relating,
But I guess the pain without her is only making me tougher.

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by Startle Me

    Try not to use the pronouns.
    Example: I, he, it
    It ruins the flow when you use it all the time.
    All in all.
    It's a good poem.
    I'll give it a 4/5 :]

  • 17 years ago

    by Sandra D

    I don't know... i really liked what it's about, but the rhyming messed me up a little... and the flow seemd off also. but this is good... keep it up! 4/5

  • I thought it was a great message you put out there, the rhyme was slightly off in some areas, but I enjoyed it. A few minor changes is all that is needed, you'll improve the more you write, so keep writing. I agree with Arash, for a 14 year old, you are not bad at all. Keep up the good work, like i said, the more you write, the better you'll get, great work, kiddo. 4/5
    -Ally

  • 17 years ago

    by AlaSkA

    This one better than the other 2, still feel allittle forced rhyming, good emotions put out here.
    at the bottom, it seems like you werent interested in writing anymore, that you just needed an ending. could use a little work. just a thought.

  • 17 years ago

    by Mommy And Me

    Ohkay two things

    This was an exciting and unforgettable event"" this line throws off the poem a little bit i think if you change some words it will be perfect and

    Thought I'm alone and without her I suffer,
    "" i think you meant to put though instead of thought.

    other wise this poem was wonderfully writen and i enjoyed reading it. the flow of it seemed to work with the poem and there was a bit of an image formed there to. good work.

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