Wow. this is a very full of emotion.. very well written!! keep up the good work! 5/5

Hey Vanessa,

Love your work! It's got 2 of my favourite elements: Rhyme & Rhythm.

why not try this:
Trapped inside her mind, fire hotter than hell
"Ending her life is always on her mind" looks like it's all on its own, i suppose you made a simple paragraphing mistake, since
"images and faces she cannot leave behind" seems to marry it quite well.

Oh wow, it's also an acrostic! sorry I didn't notice that. In that case forget the paragraph comment ^_^.

Though i can't think of a shorter way or rewriting it but i think you might need to rewrite "Innocence wasn't ripped away in the night" to have 1 or 2 syllables less. otherwise, I love it! 5/5 from me

You're quite the dark child aren't you? This is the second poem I've read by you, and they're quite simular, in more ways that one. Anyway, my favorite lines were;

'In her mind she is trapped in a fire hotter than hell'

'Ending her life in some ungodly hall'

There is one thing though, the last line. Why didn't you write more to it, you know, to make it fit in the structure, and so it could rhyme?

Brad

Wow, I must say I loved that poem. Though all this stuff is probably what you're going through right now, I don't know if my nice comment will make you feel any better. I sure hope it does, because you shouldn't feel this way. Believe me, no matter how bad life gets, you can't give up. About the poem, 5/5 hands down.

^ What he said.
^.^

Excellent write full of emotion yet very deep.very well done,been there and done that, great job.
keep up the good work 5/5, your friend Tracy

I've noticed you love to rhyme which is great, but perhaps you should try new styles and mix it up a bit.

I must say this poem was greatly written, you do have a lot of talent, never stop. Keep up the fantastic work.

Peace, Joe

You have a way of putting things that i love
reading. 5/5 as all your poems you nare the
best, every poem i read on this site i see your name its like we are connected, lol
any way this is the title of my fav. show
m.a.s.h. cy

The second I saw the title, I was intrigued. The poem didn't let me down, either. I can definitely relate to this poem... The first three lines are especially influential. 5/5.

Cha!
Now THIS is what I'm talking about. This is definately your best poem. Why? Because it was a cliche topic that you made not so cliche. The rhyming and flow was perfect; I loved how you broke up the stanzas. Pshhh I love this!
I absolutely loved the ending and how it DIDN'T rhyme. That made the poem, for me, and I don't know why. Chaaa. Nicely done!

xTheEcstasyofSuicidex 10.5