Swinging Emotions

I'm scared.
I'm terrified.
I just want to run and hide,
but I know running from my fears
won't solve a thing,
so I went down to the park to swing.
Swinging . . .
Thinking . . .
Wondering . . .
what if I never met her?
then I would've never met him.
He wouldn't have caused me
all these tears that I'm still trying to swim in.
All these things would've never happened,
so many things of mine
would've never been stolen.
Wondering . . .
what if I chose a different path?
would I still be dealing with all this aftermath?
what if I stayed strong,
and stood up for myself?
maybe I wouldn't be damaged goods,
just put back on the shelf.
Wondering . . .
what would happen if my story
could be re-written,
if I could forget all this,
and pretend it was fiction?
Screaming now . . .
pumping higher and higher,
tears falling from
my bright blue sapphires.
Screaming . . .
Crying . . .
I'm so afraid.
At times like this,
I wish I could be fearless,
instead of feeling helpless.
Crying . . .
Unwanted tears continue falling
without permission,
Stars: the only things out here
that are listening.
Thinking . . .
Swinging . . .
My legs hang limp,
I begin to get lower and lower,
My hands grip the chains tighter,
Stopped.
Eyes shut tight.
Maybe if they're closed,
this will all just go away,
but if I open them,
will things be okay?
Walking . . .
Running . . .
Through the dark,
I make my way through
memories and fears,
emotions and tears.
I'm terrified.
I'm scared.
Strength, I am surely without,
I guess my biggest fear,
is
being found out.