I'm afraid I offer no helpful suggestions to augment the technical aspects of this work of yours. In which case, to enhance the poem's overall poetic quality and beauty, the need for restructuring and rewording is rendered necessary at this point, by avoiding the use of too much determiners and such-to and by using descriptive language in order to conjure vivid, mental images. Furthermore, I believed that, when the written material involves certain conversations, you only need to use the quotation marks--"...", not the parentheses--(...). It's a fine effort, nonetheless. Thanks for sharing. ~Marian

Another great piece- great choice of words-u hav a great talent keep it up

thanks for the commenting bdw

Dawwwww!!!! it was sooo cute and heart touching!!!!! very romantic 50/50

I LOVE IT KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK

Beautiful :-) 5/5

Btw i sent you a friend request on myspace :-) take care! keep writing!

You write so beautifully ~ Your words always create that feeling that you get when you first meet the girl/guy of your dreams ~ It takes a lot to take people to that place ~ It's amazing that you can so easily ~

Orbs = eyes :)