The End?

Sometimes I find myself in a daze,
Trapped inside a purple haze.
Then reality comes smashing back.
Sending me into a panic attack.

My heartbeat increases, I start to sweat
Terrified of things, that haven't happened yet.
My vision blurs, everything goes dim,
All I see are memories of him.

Tears fall from behind closed eyes.
I try to muffle the heart breaking cries,
And still my body that is shaking,
Due to all the drugs that I am taking.

My dry, cracked lips are bleeding,
Inner demons are feeding,
On all of this constant misery
That won't let me be free.

I am sick of all the shit,
I can't stand, and I can't sit.
There is no way past it this time,
No way to leave the past behind.

I don't care what was said,
I prayed that he was dead,
But it didn't come true,
What am I going to do?

Every word I yell and scream,
Attempting to wake from this dream,
Has been carried in the rising wind.
A nightmare, that has no end.

Yes I see the blade, shinning in the dark,
But I am not crossing my own heart
Fear needs to stop, but not like that,
I've been down that road, and I'm not going back!

I don't want all my tears cried to be in vain
On my soul there will be no blood stain.
I will not end my life by my own hand,
Life is something, I don't understand.

This pain will just have to exist
Fate has such a cruel twist,
No more tears are to roll down my face
For in Heaven I will find my place.