How I Could and How I Did

How could i end it?
How could i stop this beating heart of min?
How can i make this stupid soul go to hell?
How could i do it?

I could take a lot of pills...no takes to long
I could cut deeper then anything else....no also to long
I could take a gun to the head....no doesn't always work

How can i end it?
How can i stop this pain?
How can i end this stupid life

They tell me to keep on going
They say hold on just a little longer
They say think of the ones you love
They say people who end it are selfish bastards

But why should i live this life
When there is nothing left for it to offer
I have no more lust for this world
I have no more taste
The people here are to cold and bitter it hurts
I feel to numb to go on

I could jump from a building...no i want to be in one piece
I could jump in front of a car...no i don't want the drive to live with that for the rest of their life
I could drown myself....no not enough pain....

I can't think with all the noise in my head
I can't breath with all my pain
I can't cry anymore...I've cried all for them

I know how i will do it
I know just what to do
I know when and where
I will tell them how and why

I will take a lot of pills
I will cut deeper then the rest
I will drown myself
I will take a gun to the head.....No

I can't do that
i can't do that at all

I will just take the pills leave a note and let it be
They will find me on my bed thinking i am but asleep
They will try and wake me
but i will not wake
They will read the note i left
And they will ask god why..

But if they read a little harder
If they read a little closer
they will see i already asked that question they will see it's already been done

They will read
God did not answer me
God did not care
God let me go
God was just standing there
God just looked at me as though i belonged in hell
God did not answer me
God did not care