Comments : A Paradise in my Heart

  • 13 years ago

    by xxSnow Angelxx

    First of all...great imagery...clear vivid desrciptions...lol..u painted the whole image in this poem...so clear n beautiful...n the flow was good too...n the choice of words was nice...but something was missing...but u've done a great job anyways..
    all in all...nice work
    Kp it up~
    5/5=)
    xxPoojaxx

  • 13 years ago

    by Sweet lig

    Oww! nice title..perfect telling of ur story and i like the way how u express ur feelings in here.. i think,, it has a great rhyming and flow..at the same time it nicely written. every word it has a very deep impact .. great one kabs!!5/5

  • 13 years ago

    by Fsams

    Wow great! U have beautifully described ur paradise. B proud of ur homeland. great 5/5
    plx read my latest tongue twister

  • 13 years ago

    by bleeding limegrenn

    I could see it a painted a picture in my mind
    so great poem

  • 13 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    Beautiful imagery with a profound twist

  • 13 years ago

    by Ash

    I really enjoyed reading this. The way you describe and paint pictures through your words is amazingly done. Keep it up :)

  • 13 years ago

    by ~*SugarCube*~

    "Now I know there's no peaceful place in my frigid life
    Only pain and sorrow exists in my time
    No one was there to keep me warm from my cold life..
    And now I stand alone on this bleak dead land."

    i like those lines alot. I think this is an amazing poem. Great imagery. keep up the good work!!!!!!!!! 5/5

    ~Chelsea~

  • 13 years ago

    by Startle Me

    First stanza?
    Wonderful.
    I'm not usually intterested
    In the format you're using now.
    But... you caught my eye on this one :]

    Second stanza?
    Discriptive.
    I can actually see trees and the wind colliding.

    Third stanza?
    Not as much.
    It was just too much of a change.
    It was mellow in the beginning and quick change in here.

    Fourth and fifth stanza?
    Perfect :]

    UGH!
    You described this so well.
    I'm envious of you.
    This kind of made me feel
    As though I know where you lived.
    That I've lived there before as well.
    Well done, yo.
    5/5 :]

  • 13 years ago

    by Vanessa

    That really good, the imagery was excellent, it left a clear picture in my mind, I could feel the bitting cold, the word choice was great, and the ending was perfect. the only thing that read a little off to me was
    Nothing can stop me to live here for eternity
    It might just be me but that line seemed to eiter be missing a word or not worded right, I am not sur witch one, but it is only a sugestion. great job 5/5

  • 13 years ago

    by George

    The imagery was amazing...could see it all very nicely! Only thing is I would have liked it better if it had rhyming...my own pet peeve I guess...Very good though!

  • 13 years ago

    by Marie

    Such a great mixture of imagery and emotion.. amazing
    however
    flow needs work

  • 13 years ago

    by Perfection

    Pretty good =)... It was very descriptive and had a nice flow and story to it..
    Not much more to say about it..

    great job =)

  • 13 years ago

    by robin milford

    Beautiful excellent

  • 13 years ago

    by Debbie

    To begin with, I'm honestly glad that you *could write your own poems with your own ideas, I suppose. It's a nice change, Kabs. =]

    Like everyone else, I've enjoyed the visuals and images you've created in this piece. Besides, it's quite an advantage on my part since I could clearly visualize this in my mind's eye, considering now that I live on the same land as you did before.

    I, however, find its flow unnaturally attached. I have no issues with a forced line or whatsoever though. Now, if I may suggest, omitting those determiners, such as such as "a," "the," "this," "each," "some," "either," "my," and "your", will--in my humblest opinion--somehow enhance the consitency/flow of this poem.

    Overall, a nicely penned work which reveals sombre emotions from its writer, wishing to return to his homeland soon.

    Regards,
    Debbie Cakes

    p.s. This is merely a response to your request in the club's request area.

  • 13 years ago

    by ephemera

    This was absolutely beautiful! I know exactly how you feel about your home. I lived there once too and now I live in a very cold country. The words you use in this poem are exquisite. This is my favorite poem of yours.

  • 12 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    This my dear...is just perfect!
    Flawless flow throughout, the imagery you used blew me away, it created very vivid pictures, and the word choice was a joy to read, as was the whole poem.
    I liked how it started almost hopeful and then you transformed it into something so sad, truly beautiful work.

  • 12 years ago

    by Karl Wild GG23

    Sometimes we have dreams that just seem way to real to be anything else then reality, those dreams where you wake up and you have to think about where you are for a minute. The poem was great once again and the imagery was really good in this one I could picture everything. The flow was pretty good and overall the poem was great 5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by dollwithafrown

    The imagery in this was amazing, as was the flow. It gives off a strong vibe of you admiring your homeland, missing it. A very unique idea to write about, too. Nice work.

  • 12 years ago

    by Richard Machado

    Great story, loved the climax and the suffering, sorry to say it but I like suffering in poems. Besides me wondering where you used to live *wonders if I can visit* it is an awesome tale.

    ~Richi~

  • 12 years ago

    by The Lonely Rose

    Wow very awesome! very creative and i can imagine it..the flow was there and i couldnt seem anything bout this poem...lol a 5/5