This regret of losing you

That single tear and crying sound
that boring song and never ending tone
those quiet moments and death cab music
those mellow wind blow and painful shock
those tears and eye drops
those hugs and forgotten kisses
those scream and never ending honor
those fast pitch and slow bat swing
those dead silent cheer and dishonor moment
have i become a shadow?
where i can only be seen by your light?
have i lost so much to him?
that i have to cheat in order to win your heart?
why is there so much darkness around me?
why is there so much pain in me?
it hurts just to think about it
it stings just to walk on that playing field again
so quiet, in this lonely park where we both rested
so silent, in this lonely mind where we both create
why must i be forgotten?
when I'm still the one who holds on to you most dear
why must i be thrown away?
when I'm still the one that hands you those white tissues
can anyone tell me
will this regret of me losing to him
kill me someday?