Hopeless

I know I look big
I know I look strong
But I wish you could see inside
Cause what you see is wrong

I may look interesting
I appear to be not dull
I pride on being different
But these bad thoughts pound through my skull

I laugh on the outside
I push the bad thoughts in
Am I fooling you?
With this stupid looking grin?

I never want to look vulnerable
I never want to look weak
Ill push my thoughts on paper
Ill never ever speak

Dont try to save me
Youll just waste your breath
Dont try to prolong this
This needs to be put to death

Did God want me to do this?
Is that why these thoughts are in my head?
I dont know what to think
My sanity hangs but on a thread

They drove me to do this
They made me into this machine
Or maybe not
Maybe this is just the angst of a teen

I have my words
Da Vinci has his art
He has his Mona Lisa
I write about my heart

I slept a full night, to clear my head
I thought it would be finally be gone
Yet again like everything else
I was dead wrong