Aim

by ellewen   Jun 2, 2007


Like a battle
I scream and choke
like a horror
I am broke

wild and calm
or freakish and plain
lite the match
and strike your flame

one or the other
is no gain
whatever you do
do it with aim

straight to the heart
straight to the soul
straight to the point
but not for the gold

when you pick a fight
please do pick it right
when you say your fine
make it be the last time

like a fire
I wither and spread
like the heart
that is almost dead

when i cry at night
I look at everything
for the first time
love can make you so blind

you may know this
when you pick and choose
you think what on earth
is there to lose

when you are in pain
scattered and stained
you are stuck alone
telling yourself your sane

why bother with all the pain
don't just shoot your arrow
and watch it fly
make sure with the risk theres gain

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Startle Me

    Honestly?
    It either just didn't make sense
    Was really forced
    Or was just... well, random.

    Sometimes you weren't even clear.
    I'll give some examples of all.

    I am broke
    Do you mean you have no money?

    wild and calm
    or freakish and plain
    [[lite]] the match
    and strike your flame

    1) You spelled lite wrong.
    It's light
    2) Your third and fourth stanza was just completely random

    It was as though..
    You just wanted it to rhyme.
    I have to admit, it's pretty catchy
    But it's just... forced.

  • 16 years ago

    by xxSnow Angelxx

    Beautiful poem...it's very well penned and the choice of words was beautiful and the message was really clear and stood out through the poem and the last stanza summedup the whole idea..All over
    Great work!
    5/5
    xxPoojaxx

  • 16 years ago

    by Vanessa

    Well written deep poem. Although the words are simple thy are effective. I found some of the rhymes to be a little forced, and that in turn made the flow a little rocky in somplaces but on=ver all the emtion was strong, and the message was clear, so a 5/5 it is

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