Suicidal Homicide

As I lay here and wonder what happened
I have thoughts so dark they don't seem like my own
As if a monster has manifested into my brain
Showing me a darker side, a side that wants revenge

As I lay here and wonder what happened
I have thoughts of driving to his house
Waiting until he opens the front door in the morning
Sticking a kitchen knife deep into his chest

As I lay here and wonder what happened
I think maybe this life is to complicated for me
Should I end it now, will she be happier with him
What of the children, what will she tell them about daddy

As I lay here and wonder what happened
I'm left confused and totally alone
She is her beside me yet I don't know if she want to be
I don't know if she truley is happy laying with me
Or is she wishing I was him, am I just security for life

Am I a thug, I don't know
I thought that phase had passed a long time ago
I am now a family man, I don't cause pain anymore
But they thoughts of him with her, my blood is boiling
He deserves to die, but I know that is what he wants
The easy route out, not this time mate
This time the suffering will last an eternity