I used to write mine the way you do, without the first line being repeated about four times in the poem, makes it more of a challenge which was a good thing for you to do with your first Terzanelle and all. I do have a few things I noticed though...

"So hard to deal, its just so hard to explain,
About the pain I go through, what it does to me,
Tired of going through the same old pain."

^^ The word pain is used repeatedly in this stanza, kind of throws it off just a bit...it fits, so that's why I'm not going too into depth on this one, but thought I'd mention it to you. The stanza following it had the same thing...the repetition of the word care. But, they were nothing too serious.

Other than that, I couldn't find anything wrong with it. Terzanelle's are a very fun style to write once you understand them and you did a great job on it.

5.5
:]

Wow so deep love it 5/5

Nice poem. I really liked it. It had a nice flow and I liked the word choice. Cool format. I gave it a 5/5.

Great poem wonderful job but what is a Terzanelle??
thanks for thew comment
keenan

This was a great poem again the style you used was excellent and effective the flow always on track which is great and the emotion was portrayed beautifully best of all. Well done with this Bryan I enjoyed reading it alot~mel

Another very good poem, great use of the outline and good flow and everything. beautiful once again

I actually have no issues with the rhythm and rhymes, except for certain lines being awkward to be read. Oh heck, don't get me wrong, dear! 'Twas fine the way it is :). In effect, I find this rather delightful to read.

"I've given up, I know it will never go,
This pain is like a sweet sad melody,
Hope she enjoyed it, I hope she knows."

I giggled when I read those lines :3. How very true are your words! I mean, it certainly struck a chord with me, and I liked how you denoted the bittersweetness of pain as a 'sweet sad melody'. Very poignant, I dare say.

"I sit here writing for everyone to see,
This is a terzanelle to my immortal heart,
This pain is like a sweet sad melody,
May it end, may my soul finally depart."

I'm a keen fanatic on the subject of heart, body, mind, and soul. And you only provoked me to give you additional props for writing the concluding quatrain--it was splendid and enchanting.

I'm glad to read your first Terzanelle, Bryan! It was lovely. =] Keep on writing as I keep on reading yours. All the best and take care! ~Debbie

Ireally enjoyed this poem bryan. good work :) made me want to cryy

Ur poem is amazin
i really like it its soo deep
i look forward to ur new poems and i wish u would read n comment min e 2 :)

Bryan
Excellent Terzanelle. You are so good at the formed poetry. This one is no exception.
Take care Cindy

Love it
keep it up

Nice
thanx for the info

I have no idea what Terzanelle is, but it was nice

Wow...That's awesome! It was so beautiful. The words were very....I dont know the word for it....deep--no thats not it--well I cant think of the word, but the idea was that I felt them. This poem was very wonderfully written and I loved it. I don't have any critiques because I don't know much about Terzanelles and it all looks and sounds excellent. Keep it up!

~Morgan~

Wow that was really good! The structure was hard but you were able to do it! Well done. Excellent choice of words. You are really talented!

5/5! as always