Over

Thank you so much for your comments and sugestion I really appreciate it :)

...The rhyming seems forced. It seems that you're trying a little too hard to make it all rhyme at the end with the 'I'-sound. Interesting write but that last line:
'My memories of you lived to dry put me in the chair for you the death angels shall watch me fry.'
seems like it should be broken up to fit the rest of this one. Just my thought.
~Faith-less

Thats good, would have liked to read more xx