Wow...I liked teh story and the wording here..They were so advanced...And the flow didn't dissapoint me too..
My fave lines should be;
He speaks no words as he grabs my hand and lifts me out of bed,
and past our family, that thinks I am dead.
The room fills up with nurses and doctors galore,
but as the volts enter my body, I know I am no more
I dont mean to be mean.. but if you are to correct my spelling maybe you should spell your words right when you do so.. like some of the words you were typing came out like mine when you type too fast.. and you mixed up the letters. but i thank you for helping my writing become better.
Beautiful.. made me silent there.. that was a good way of writing about death.. instead of it making me want to breakdown and cry it made reassured me that everything's going to be alright and that i should just hold my head up high.. wonderful writing.. keep it up
Wow, this was beautiful and sweet. It was really emotional. The flow was a little awkward though. I think it was because of the long lines. The rhymes seemed a little forced, but I think the love you showed for your family clearly showed through, and that was the point. Greay job!