Comments : One Of These Days

  • 13 years ago

    by Stephanie


    "Because we' re the same in many ways
    And you' ll realize it one of these days."

    That is so true.... && Not many people realize this. Wonderful job. It had a nice flow, the vocabulary was good, && the message was fantastic. 5.5 Keep writing! :]

    Stephanie Lynn .+.

  • 13 years ago

    by Nat

    Amazing! 5/5

  • 13 years ago

    by The Lonely Rose

    Wow..this poem is like so awesome..i can relate to this as well...i think this tells the tale to many ppl....imma put this in mi fav poems place! so a 5/5 4 me!

  • 13 years ago

    by Rachelle

    WOW I love it!
    Im jealous.

  • 13 years ago

    by Karl Wild GG23

    This poem is so good and the words are very true, the flow was great and the word choice as well. We're all similar in many ways because we feel the same pain and show similar emotion, we just don't realize how close we really are. amazing job as always 5/5 GG23

  • 12 years ago

    by FallingAngel

    Amazing, all your poems are so real. You make it feel like your there,in the moment with them. Excelent job.5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by RavishingEruption

    Wowness....that is really good! Its a good poem cuz every1 can relate to having a person like that in their life. great job! 5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by Brigitte

    So first of all, I'd like to say, great job!! Great job writing on a topic that happens so often....Best friends that grow up together and then start to change and part ways....You described very well how bad that kind of situation is.

    To her face you're the best of friends
    But when she turns, the friendship ends.
    ^^^^^ I like this stanza a lot, but I think it may have made more of an impact on the reader if it were somewhere in the middle "But when she turns" Turns where? I understand you mean "changes," but it isn't very clear. Since it sort of sounds like your showing change over time here, it might have made more of a window into your feelings....if you described the relationship a little when it was still good...before they changed.

    The music she likes, is not for you
    The clothes she wears are over due.
    ^^^^^^ Again good description of change.

    Where she lives is not your place
    To be seen with her is a disgrace.
    ^^^ You might want to try adding a comma in after "Place" it looks a little neater.

    The car she drives is out of date
    To the way she lives, you can' t relate.
    ^^^^Oh very nice work on this stanza....

    When she' s alone she is depressed
    But you would not have ever guessed.
    ^^^^I like this line a lot too, it's so natural sounding that it's almost as if we're reading a letter you sent to your friend.

    But have you ever spent the time
    Just to make sure she' s doing fine ?
    ^^^ Again very natural and powerful.

    You think you know but you' re so far
    You' ll never know what her problems are.
    ^^^^Here you do a very nice job of explaining the problems with judging people without truly getting to know the person.... a crime that a lot of us commit. What makes this stanza so powerful for the reader is that it makes us realize that sometimes we all just need to step back, and re-look at the person we gave up on.

    But you don' t care ' cause they' re not yours
    The truth comes out behind closed doors.
    ^^^Not sure what you mean by the last line In this stanza, it seemed a little forced

    You insult what you don' t understand
    So closed - minded, you' ll never expand.
    ^^^This is by far my favorite line in your poem...It flowed very nicely.

    You' re insecure with your own self
    Your solution' s to put down everyone else.
    ^^^^For some reason the word "solution" doesn't seem to fit in the stanza... I like the stanza, but "solution" seems to be messing up the beat of the poem.

    But you, yourself, what makes you great ?
    In just some way, you can relate.
    ^^^ I understand that your trying to rhyme, but I'm not sure if relate is the word your looking for. But I like the first line in this stanza, very saucy!

    Because we' re the same in many ways
    And you' ll realize it one of these days.
    ^^^Ohhhh Bravo! That was a perfect ending!...I was hoping you didn't end this in one of those cliche. "I'm never going to stop crying about this, I might as well go jump off a bridge," kind of endings! But no, you ended it strong and sassy! I liked your poem a lot, it's one that most can relate too, and it's not cliche at all. Amazzzing job =]

  • 12 years ago

    by GIRLwithTHEbrokenSMILE

    Dude, your poems are amaing i love them all!
    cmmnt me if you like ;)