So Much More

Every step I take forward,
You push me back, two steps more
Every leap in forgiveness,
Is brought to the ground
Every wish for love,
Becomes more of a heartache

Everyone wants to know,
How can you leave your mom for so long?
Because she left a long time ago
With her bags packed and money ready,
She checked out, but left a shell behind

That's what I get to live with,
Not as picture perfect as before,
Yes the plastic is left behind for my own use,
But what about the rest of my life

I look back at what she's put me through,
Flirting with eating disorders all along.
Scratches, cuts, hidden behind your curtain of disdain
So much more than you could ever imagine

What do you really think goes on with me,
Behind the giggles and smiles.
Secretly hurt, screams filling my mind
If you only knew what I came from,

I'm ready to leave now,
A second chance, hope the mother's all right,
I don't think I can handle any more abuse
It's been sixteen years, and it's impossible to become immune
I've tried it many times, but staying away is the only way,
Such a hard time, with goodbyes all around,
But it'll be okay.