Comments : Together as One

  • 14 years ago

    by Hebe

    Such a sweet poem.
    Beautiful written, great vocabulary.

    My favourite lines:
    "More than a thousand laughs
    Wouldn't show how happy you make me."

    "Forever our hearts will beat together as one."

    I enjoyed reading it
    Well done
    Ps. thanks for commenting my poem.

  • 14 years ago

    by Bryan

    Dont know, good poem, pretty long though, took me awhile to read, but its a 5/5!!! keep them coming!!!

  • 14 years ago

    by robin milford

    Beautiful poem

  • 14 years ago

    by Loved In Hell

    Very well written so much emotion was felt in this poem and ut was very honset and true this is an osm write

  • 14 years ago

    by Marc Ortiz

    There you go Britt :) Sorry about that I forgot where I got the 1st line :) I added your name in the bottom of the poem xD

  • 14 years ago

    by Debbie

    I in no way to offend, but I particularly am not keen with your frequent use of I's and variations of tenses in this poem of yours. Certain dialogues were left with no quotation marks as well, and the plot progression wasn't thought-out well. I even sensed the need for more coherent details. Perhaps that's just me, though... Other than those nitpicky details, I'd still give you my props for attempting and exerting a fine effort with this material. Keep on writing what you feel and like. all the best and take care. ~Marian

  • 14 years ago

    by Melpomene

    This was a fine work although I do agree with miss debbers above about the constant use of "I" throughout this piece. I did enjoy the feelings portrayed behind this poem andthe meaning was great. Well done none the less on writing a greatly written piece.~mel

  • 14 years ago

    by Gasttlee

    Sweet! 5/5

  • 14 years ago

    by BrokenREALiTy

    You use I a lot in the poem . It's getting annoying, and I like you as a poet ! And the ending kind of made my smile drop . There were beautifully illuminating parts in this poem, portraying a gorgeous emotion within it .

    Her lips has touch mines, oh how sweet they are.
    `That doesn't make sense . Do you mean, Her lips have touched mine ? Or something close ?

    Nonetheless, another nicely written piece .

  • 14 years ago

    by Stephanie Naylor

    I thought it was a very sweet poem and it was nicely written, and the content and vocabularaly made it an even better read. I just loved it, 5/5

  • 14 years ago

    by Ambar

    Excellent poem!! great use of vacabularly----neatly written =) definately 5/5

  • 14 years ago

    by Breeeezie

    Awww beautiful poem!!!

  • 14 years ago

    by Sweet Fragility

    Love the voc, soo sweet!
    except i was so shocked with the ending.. it like, "wait, thats how it ends?" but still great job
    my fave lines were:

    And there right in front of her a piece of paper.
    "My heart will always and forever belong to you"

  • 14 years ago

    by K3LSI3

    This is such a sweet poem.Nicely written.I absolutely loved it.

  • 14 years ago

    by Mo

    This was a lovely poem - very sad in the end but a beautiful poem of intense love. Good work!
    I like it how its so simple - no rhyming scheme or anything to distract or take away from the heartfelt words you're using.


  • 14 years ago

    by Boy

    Hey, the last stanza of your heart realy touched my heart. it was such a good style of writing. i loved the wya you have expressed. you realy know what is the meaning of true love.
    i realy approcoate of your work

    and i will give you 5/5
    take care

  • 14 years ago

    by disturbed one

    Ooh nice poem

    my favorite part was:

    Her lips have touched mine, oh how sweet they are.
    Suddenly I cough.. And red blood sprayed in the place.
    I said.. Sorry I didn't tell you before..

    It was my death wish to see your smile

    good job keep it up =D


  • 14 years ago

    by CEE CEE

    Wow i love this poem its reall sweet i hope someone feels that way about me i love when u say "More than a thousand laughs
    Wouldn't show how happy you make me" i feel the same way about my boyfriend but i love ya poem

  • 14 years ago

    by Fsams

    Wow very beautiful and catching. The lines are great and very descriptive. It had all poetic qualities in it. Great 5/5 for sure. tc

  • 14 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    This is beautiful...
    Right from the first stanza I was completely hooked, and the imagery you portrayed in this blew me created very vivid pictures in my mind.
    What I thought most remarkable, was that even though you chose not to rhyme this piece, was that the flow was flawless throughout.

    I loved the depth and emotion that were easily sensed behind the written words, and the ending is both beautiful and stunning.

    A most elegantly written and beautiful piece.