This is my life

I need to talk to someone about something.
something that i don't tell many.
something that no one has an answer too.
I've been living in this "home"
for 16 years now
and never took into account
the way I've been treated
all this time.
I can't go to bed
until my mom says it's my turn
until she gets everything "ready"
and my little sister takes a shower
and goes to bed
then it's my turn
i can go take my shower
and go to bed
tonight it isn't until
2:30a.m.
we didn't even get home
until thirty minutes ago
I'm sitting in the only area
that I'm allowed in
in the basement
messy, dirty, bug infested cold basement.
I can't use the bathroom
unless I've just woken
and plan on going outside
or in the basement right away
or right before i take a shower
otherwise i have to ride my bike
to the nearest gas station.
The cabinets and refrigerator
are close to empty
the few edible things we have
are junk food
or I'm not allowed to eat it
unless its a certain time of day
and it's okay with mother.
I'm not allowed upstairs
without being clean
or wearing bags on my feet
and taken all my other clothes off.
When it's finally my turn to go to bed
i lie on a mattress
in the middle of my unpainted
room with nothing in it
besides my mattress
and some piles of clothes on the floor.
The only door on the house
is the front door
the rest of them
are still in the basement
from when we moved in
twelve years ago.
Theres still boxes
Of things I never got to use
As a little girl
Because they were packed away
For when the time is right.
I try my best
To be a good student
To be a loyal girlfriend
To be a appreciative daughter
Or a trusting friend
But its never good enough.
When I was only ten
I would go to bed with tears in my eyes
Praying to god that my life would change
That I could have a normal home life
Or even someone to love me
To appreciate me.
Ive let it go on all my life
Ive let people step all over me
Rip me up and tear me apart
I'm not going to put up with it anymore
I'm not going to sit here
And watch my life
Slip away at my fingertips
I'm going to learn to forget about the rest
To love with all that I have left.
Today is the day
That I'm going to take charge
And learn from my past
Putting it away
And over coming the rest of the world.

:7/7/07 <3