Epiphany & Regret (for Nate)

It has been a while,
Since I have really gazed upon his face,
Only once visiting him,
In that holy woodsy place.

No flowers do I leave,
No Words of him I speak,
I have pushed his memory away,
To play some hide and seek.

But now that I am thinking
Contemplating things
Welling tears come forth
For the pain his memory brings.

This is not a love poem,
Of a broken hearted love,
This is a poem for an angel
Living up above.

You never know what you have,
Until it is gone,
And when ever someone leaves you
You wish you could have said so long

But you cannot erase the past.
From the memories he gave.
You cannot help but wish
He could have been saved.

For a savior saves
But expects nothing in return
He was my savior
And his body was burned

Only ashes remain now,
But I do not know where they lay,
I only know our memories
I left at his grave.

But I still remember,
And I sometimes cry,
And when I cannot spring a tear,
I question myself as to why?

Moving on is not easy,
When you do not wish to move on,
Holding on to the memories
Never wanting to say so long

But you will and it is hard
There is the constant feel of guilt
But they are gone,
And so is the bond that we have built

It is too far away,
To keep in touch,
Hurts too much to recall your name,
When saying it still hurts so much.

I sometimes feel I have done it,
Moved on from this mess
But times like now,
Your memory I am blessed

I will smile sometimes,
And laugh at your name
But tonight the laughter has died
And tears leave my heart to shame

I know you want me, to move on
To wave goodbye, and say so long
But it is sometimes a shock,
To really except that you are truly gone