Realize

Do you realize anything? Cant you see that your words are pushing me over the edge? Do you realize that everyday I have to fake a smile to get through my day? Would you even realize if I were gone? How long would it take for you to find me? Do you realize anything?

That every nite before bed I run the sharp blade across my wrists. I dont get anymore sleep at nite anymore. That not a day goes by that I dont think of killing myself? How many times I cry myself to sleep for something someone said or how I am feeling.

Do you see how dangerous it is for me to be alone? Or to drive? Or to be around anything without someone there?

Every time driving I want to go over that cliff into the river. Everytime I am alone I hurt myself and make plans for my death. I think of many ways to kill myself when I see something, my mind automatically does it.

Do you realize that I dont want to live? That things are too much for me? I dont want to be like this anymore, I want it all to go away. I want for all of it to end. Do you realize? Do you even care?