Thats relly heavy, its good though xxxxx

Wow very descriptive and nice 5/5

Very nice
i think if you were going to have the second stanza rhyming both stanzas sould or should rhyme

but it was a great poem none the less

and at the end i think its "here" not "hear"

but still really great
and had a nice flow

5/5

To me this was such an intense read. I really enjoyed the emotions which you portrayed throughout each line, Deep and powerful. I'm sure alot of people can relate to this in their own way, I know I pretty much can. The structure was a little different but I truely liked it. Well done on creating such a deep meaningful piece.~mel

Kirsty,

What a dramatic piece you've written. How stunning. There was indeed a minor issue with an uneven flow on certain lines, whereas grief-stricken sentiments were absolutely compelling.

"...you never listen to how I feel;
Always quick to shout the odds-
But never there when I really need you..."

^ Empty promises are sweet because they are sugar-coated with forged assurance, yet they are very harmful and gives disappointment and discouragement. These thoughts are well brought together by the foregoing lines.

"My heart bleeds for your love
...Never do I get it though"

^ Such a touchy couplet. We all long to love and be loved in our lifetime, indeed. Yet how these feelings are left unrequited is distressing.

"The voice inside me screams out in pain
But on the surface my silence remains"

^ That couplet caught my eye's interest. It's very poignant; it captured my heart the moment I read it. I reread it, and never could think of something better said than that couplet... so far.

Emotions were apparently screaming throughout with rage. It's so touching, and you've written it nicely. I hope you all the best and take care!

Marian

Long but that doesnt matter. I thought that it was emotional and very intense. I think this poem fits everything for a poweful poem. It was nice to have it in 2 stanzas. Not just little short ones. I liked it and hope you continue writing!!!

Intensified emotions, worth a shot.

I wake up to find out I am still here!

I can sense fear in that line. Waking up from a nightmare and when you open your eyes you realize that you're still there. I know, its inevitable.

This poem is incredibly written. It is sad and really touching. You described emotions greatly. Topic is excellent and atmosphere that you created is good. 5/5

This was really interesting, the first part sounded as if you were talking about a lover...but I suppose this is about a parent?
But I liked how you alternated from just normal writing to couplets. Great job!